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I struggle to make new friends. I’m socially awkward and an introvert. Despite this, I’ve had some really great friendships over my lifetime. However, I feel like it is more and more difficult to make new friends as I get older. This week, the Don’t Mom Alone Podcast got me thinking. We are social creatures (some more than others). Friendships are important, necessary and worth all the trouble. However, it takes some work and you have to be intentional.

The struggle is real.

Building friendships isn’t easy especially in our current culture, we have more struggles than ever. Besides busy schedules and long distances, we have many distractions competing for our time and attention. I’m looking at you Facebook…Instagram…Snapchat…Twitter. I catch myself all the time reaching for my phone when I feel any tinge of loneliness. It is like my surrogate friend. How sad to think my primary form of companionship is a pocket computer. Social media gives us a false sense of friendship (isn’t it ironic – don’t you think?). You see friends’ posts regularly so you feel like you know them. However, that is only the tip of the iceberg. They only let you see what they want you to see. There are more ways to connect with others than ever before yet we are still lonely. Compound this when the people around you are in different seasons of their life: married friends, single friends, friends with children, no children or children of different ages. Sometimes those differences can add barriers or challenges to budding friendships.

In high school, I was in the honors student crowd. I loved my friends and there were many of us. Ugh! I miss those days! Since then, many of my friends have moved away to launch their careers or move back home to start their own family. Some friendships crashed and burned while others just faded away in the sunset. When I moved to Arkansas, I felt so alone, scared and depressed. I had just defended my masters thesis, had a newborn, was breastfeeding, moving out of state, and starting a new job I wasn’t thrilled about. I was purely in survival mode. Now, it has been almost five years and I finally feel at home here. I have met some really amazing people but making friends is still a struggle. I’ve been hurt enough times to be very cautious and overthink everything. Some of the thoughts that hold me back are:

• “She already has her group of friends. She doesn’t want any more friends”
• “Wow! She has her hands full! She probably doesn’t have time for me.”
• “We haven’t talked to each other in months/years. She’s probably moved on.”
• “I haven’t heard from her in a while. I must not be her friend anymore.”

Here’s how I challenge myself to develop new friendships.

1. Imagine your ideal friend and then be that friend for someone you admire. “For it is in giving that we receive.” St. Francis. Be the friend that you need for someone else.
2. Be childlike in your friendships. Try to put aside all the hurt you’ve endured from failed friendships. Be fearless. For instance, I watch my son in awe as he so easily befriends another child at the park. Be open and honest, genuine, and sincere. Put yourself out there. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Alfred Lord Tennyson
3. Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with positive people who will lift you up and help you become the best version of yourself. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn

If you are at rock bottom like I was 5 years ago, pray. Know that Jesus and Mary, the saints and the angels are always there for you. This is the perfect time to deepen your relationship with God. In addition, find an inspiring podcast that lifts you up. When you find a good podcast it can help you get through those quiet lonely moments when you might otherwise get stuck in your own head. Some of my favorite podcasts are:

1. Don’t Mom Alone Podcast – Heather MacFadyen
2. The Joe Gardener Show – Joe Lamp’l
3. Bloom and Grow Radio – Maria Failla
4. That Sounds Fun Podcast – Annie F. Downs
5. EntreLeadership Podcast
6. Business Boutique – Christy Wright
7. RISE podcast – Rachel Hollis

So if you have friends you love,

be intentional with them. Do stuff together (not just on your phones). Go out for coffee, schedule play dates, get crafty together, go shopping together, send them little text messages to let them know you are thinking about them. It’s a lot like dating. If you were interested in someone, you would want to spend time with them. Do something! Let them know you love them – as friends of course.