Dear Lord,
What the heck? This is not what I envisioned for 2020. Sure, I knew something spectacular was going to happen but not a global pandemic. I am struggling as You very well know. From the outside, it looks like I’ve got it all together. No other human on this Earth knows what I’m carrying around in my mind and in my heart except for You.
When I was younger, I was terrified of the possibility that I would have-to become a religious nun. LOL. My understanding was that doing Your will would be scary and awful and boring. Then I learned that doing Your will was more like an inspiration or desire planted within my soul and I would be drawn to it like a moth. Well, I have been following these little nuggets of inspiration and all I get is a deep feeling of regret and restlessness.
What am I doing wrong? The clearest thing I’ve heard from you is to write this blog. I was pumped up and ready to go – let’s do this! Oh boy, did those feelings fizzle out. Once again, I feel like a bumbling idiot who is going through this life with a blind fold on. Please God, hold my hand. Let me know you are near.
Thank you Lord, for all your blessings. Although I may be blind folded, I still recognize your blessings. My situation could be so much worse. You have helped me in more ways than I deserve. However, the restlessness in my heart is real. It must mean something, right? Show me Lord, what I should do. Here are some of the ideas I have bouncing around in my head:
- Quit my job, be a stay at home mom
- Stay with my job
- Start my own business
- Take job with Dynamic Catholic
- Volunteer/work for Tri-Cycle Farms
- Teach at a community college
In the past year, I’ve heard you say, “Something better is coming along”. Keep speaking to me, Lord. Your servant is listening.
Amen.
